It’s Your Fault

Jack Handy — “When a child asks me why it rains, I tell her, ‘God is crying, and it’s your fault’”

The government wants you to know that something bad is happening to the weather, and it’s your fault.  That’s great news!  At first I was worried about the poor in my neigborhood.  But I realized that I should be worried about Katrina instead.  Then I realized I should be worried about the dot-com millionaires stealing body parts from the have-nots in China.

Now I realize that all of these things are naught if the ice caps melt.  I’m not sure why I need the ice caps, but Dawkins Kamen-Gore can’t be wrong.  Scientists are even holier than Tenzig Falun!  I trust everything a scientist says, as long as the scientist is annointed by Dawkins Kamen-Gore!  The only ethical thing to do in life is to chill out and try to reduce the global temperature, man!  Who needs the fountain of youth when all these humans are messing up the planet?  She’s your mother, dude!

3 Comments

  • I never eat more than my fair share of insects. Plus, don’t cows create greenhouse gasses? We should stop eating plants.

  • I’m still looking for a satisfactory way to displace my guilt with respect to CO2 emissions. Next, I’ll try watching a Chomsky video. I will follow that up by marching in traffic with a sign to let my currently serving politicians know that they are even more guilty than I am. Finally, I will stop exercising, because everyone knows that aerobic respiration produces CO2. Perhaps I should close my mouth to keep more CO2 in my windpipe and out of the atmosphere. Then I am sure that I won’t feel guilty, because at least I am doing my part!

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